you’ve gathered these, are offering on our shared table of days,
you’ve gathered these for me   –   but she’s on my mind. I’m sorry. I’m looking at our shared table and thinking of her

she’s not a woman to wear earrings, a locket, maybe to carry seashells, maybe those reminders of a beach, a cliff

they’re vessels, I’m choosing to think of them as vessels
the suitcase for objects that were never hers
the seashells for memories I’ve invented

I would like to have memories of us

vessels have outsides, insides, peering

I’ve sent her an email. I wrote many things, including, Loan me your compass,
a comma, an appeal. now I’m waiting

my friend, forgive me. it is easier to think of her, hope her compass will help
it’s all I can do to ignore why I need the compass

you’ve gathered, are offering, our shared table of days
I am quiet and spend two days just looking

you’ve spread these, solitary

we’re hands

my head onto your heart

I promise to come back tomorrow, my only promise,
choosing again each day

the crowded sky
bounded

we are speaking, I am listening,
un-measured
it is speech

along the road, the never-dry ditch and mud above your ankles.
you told me but I don’t remember the name,
so rare, you want one for your garden
a specimen

we stand around and invite strangers to stand around and watch

arrive yesterday,
every moment, a first

the truth is, I tilt my head and want to say,
this opening heart &
the air, it is uncomfortable.

I don’t think I want this to be secret, but I am anxious.

I just saw
movement, the burst of sun,

and leaving,
I felt the leaving.

so longstanding,
so beyond remedy,
we can’t speak it,
and look instead
at these strong and lovely.

offering, this opening heart

Mr. Rogers said,
It’s not the size of the family, it’s the quality of the love.
I’m not being ironic, this made me feel less disappointing.

we stood by the lake
and wanted to know, what kinds of animals, how many bees, are those stairs

and we listened to the freeway
just within touch

then loose and distracted
we miraculously felt stillness

a closure of moonlight

I can’t tell, I don’t know what I feel.

I walked past a field

uncertainty, specific rocks, that number of blossoms, not this path.

the clouds weren’t speaking to me, but we were connected, in relation
they encouraged me, calmed me, reminded me.
I was less lonely

has this ever happened to you

we found miners lettuce under the pine tree, you made a salad, and I knew we were in California

sharper now, not uncomfortable, but clear, emerged to

pale eyes and bright sun, commuting and tired eyes
neighbors

I said, I’m unsure about what happens next
I mean, I’m still unsure at every moment